My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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