not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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