the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
