And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
