420 ftw
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
