we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Every concussion has its silver lining
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
