next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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