____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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