No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
the condom got lost in my hair
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
