the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
