I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
