guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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