The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
