is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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