I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
