just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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