So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
