you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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