She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Fuck appropriateness.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
