It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
