Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
