dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
