did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
