dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
