i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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