im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
