I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
