do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
