so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
