Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
