Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think I won the penis lottery.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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