She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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