I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I need to align my fucking chakras
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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