3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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