there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
