She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
