Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Found the puke drawer
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
