For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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