I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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