i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
