How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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