You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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