He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
