we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Of course I have a pirate flag
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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