I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
