I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
