Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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