I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
