sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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