ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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