Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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