WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
