The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
