That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Randomize
