....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
