I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize