It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
