I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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