Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
