So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
