you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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