It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
