She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
