Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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