i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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