Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
She is in my trunk
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
