is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
